Maybe not so sure.

I'm not sure if you knew but I'm a strong Christian. I love God more then anything but lately I've been straining grom him. Tonight I went to youth group and during worship I realized that there was something holding me back from my realationship with God. And I figured that it's most likely Justin. Justin isn't a strong christian like me. He's Catholic and I'm not so sure he's saved. When I brought something up about when I was sick I prayed and asked God to heal me and I worshiped him. I felt better automatically. Well, when I mentioned it to Justin he gave me a wierd look and changed the subject... so I didn't bring it up again. I love God more then Justin because I have faith in him. I have a jut feeling that Justin will never understand.
You see, I was saved almost two years ago. My life was horrible and I was blind by hate. My father was an abusive alcoholic, he left on my 8th birthday (you read right, my BIRTHDAY!) I always thought it was my fault but in sixth grade I realized I only missed the thought of a good father, not what that man actually is. Then I hated him with every bone in my body, and I'm not talking about the hate you might feel for homework or whatever, I mean HATE.
Two years ago I met a girl and she took me to church. I've been to church before but only Catholic churches and I hadn't gone in years (my mom's not religious at all) and I listened to the sermon and I realized that I am LOVED and I wanted to do everything I could for him. And It felt like all my hate and fears were lifted off of my shoulders. But now theyre coming back and I don't know what to do...