Hate is a BIG Word....

And I'm using that word to discribe my father.
I can NOT stand the man that owns half of my genes. You see, my father was an abusive alcoholic. So we left town when I was 9. My mom says she believes he used to love us as much as he could. Something changed, I think he just wanted to love us... in front of other people. He just wants to be know as 'loving father' that he could never be. It showed this week.
So you should know that everybodys paying thier tax. Well they asked him if he claimed anybody he said yes and named my old best friend and her new baby. He has never claimed me. He's never payed child support and over the years you can imagine how much money he owes us. I hate him.
Has anybody heard of PostSecret? It's this thing you send anonymous post card to, telling them your secret. They make a book. I was reading one of the books and came across one that discribes what I'm afraid to admit to my mother. It said, "[...] I've always suspected he molested me as well. But I've never said anything, and I'm scared to find out if my suspicions are true." Whoever wrote that, I understand. I have this thing, where, if I don't like something or I'm scared of something I'm scared of something I guess I just scratch it out of my head and forget all about it. I even do it with my nightmares if they get too bad. So I don't know if my 'father' ever tried anything with me. No matter how much I try to remember it never comes. Maybe it's a good thing I dont remember... my mom would die if she ever knew. Put me back in Therapy for the 6th time and say it's not my fault but hers. So I'll just stay this way...
I'm a Christian and all and I knoww we aren't supposed to feel hatred for ANYBODY but I do. And all that hate is for my 'father'.